Conflict Question:

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Begin by acknowledging the emotions. Take a minute and take stock of your own emotions. Name them. Are you angry, sad, happy, surprised, disappointed? Usually there are many emotions happening simultaneously. Acknowledge as many as you can. Next, identify the underlying causes. Often there's a story connected to the emotion that's causing you to react but has nothing to do with the current event. If you can identify the story (usually an old, familiar one), you can bring some awareness to the situation. The awareness tells you how much of the emotion has to do with the current event and how much of it is from the past event. Once you know, you can choose how to utilize the energy. For example, with a huge emotion, you might be tempted to hide it or to act it out on the other person. When you get a sense about why the event is so charged, you'll regain some balance and be able to make a wiser decision about how to (or even if you want to) have a conversation with the person instead.

Acknowledge the other person's feelings as well. Consider what story they might be telling themselves, and inquire about it. For example: "You sound upset (acknowledgment). Are you? Have I said something that caused you to react this way (inquiry)?" It just takes practice, like anything else.